I’m struggling with balancing things. a lot.

I thought things were difficult in college – it was somtimes so difficult to find a balance between studies, friends, activities, and family. there was so much going on that I really had to learn to be intentional about what I did with my time.

I’m feeling overwhelmed like that again, only on a grander scale. there’s no finite end to the work I’m doing like there was to the school year. I can’t just pick up and start fresh after summer anymore – the choices I’m making now are going to last much longer than just until June.

here are some of the things I’m juggling, in no particular order.

roommate:

she’s more than a roommate. she’s become one of my closest friends. I want to be able to spend time with her, more than just watching an occasional movie or collapsing on the couch with her for a few minutes before I lose conciousness. I don’t spend weekends with her, and I’m rarely home before 7 on weeknights. my friendship with her is something I really want to develop – this could be one of those relationships that lasts a lifetime. we could be rockin’ next to each other on the nursing home porch someday. =)

boyfriend:

David and I have been together for almost 2 years, the vast majority of which has been over a significant distance. I’ve gotten used to having him as a regular, but infrequently in-person, part of my life. things have gotten more difficult since he moved to Anderson (only a few weeks ago). I thought it’d be wonderful to have him closer – and it *is*. I just don’t know how to arrange my life as it exists (already too crazy) to spend as much time with him as I now can and want to.

church:

this is one of the most important commitments I’ve ever made in my life. I was moved around a *lot* as a kid, and so didn’t have much say in where we went to church or for how long we stayed. if my parents committed, I was committed. now, at Woodruff Place, *I* have made the commitment to be a part of a body of believers. what does that mean? I don’t know – I’m still learning. I know that it means, at the very least, that I need to be there when the church meets. that’s why I’ve been having so much drama and indecision about the whole Wind Symphony thing – the Wednesday night Bible study is a major thing in my church. but… there are other meetings, too: Sunday morning worship, Sunday evening worship (during the summer – it’s about to end), and Saturday morning prayer meeting.

family:

I’m the first to leave home… it’s still a new thing to my family, and it’s certainly new to me! I want to be able to see them more often than I am. they live in Pennsylvania, and from Indianapolis, it’s a good 9-hour trek. I need to take part of a day off work and an entire weekend in order to get to spend time with them. also, my mother insists that I not come alone – so I have to find someone *else* to make a 9-hour trip with me.

friends:

I’m smack dab in the middle (hehe – that’s a song the TU Jazz Ensemble played when we toured the Bahamas) of so many friends! there are many who live in Indy that I see fairly regularly, some who’ve just moved here that I want to start spending time with, some who live in Upland that I don’t see nearly often enough, and others who live not too far away. really, in the grand scheme of things, Ft. Wayne, Evansville, and Lafayette aren’t far away at all! I just need a Saturday and I can visit folks for a good bit of time. but… I need that Saturday.

other things:

I want to have enough time to myself to do things like “girls’ night”s and spontaneous get-togethers with friends I don’t see enough of. I want to have time to really dive in and study the Bible and theology on my own, to read the classics and poetry, to be outside and get some excercise. I feel like I’m stuck somewhere between intravert and extravert, and don’t have the time to be either.

I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t feel up to assigning worth to people – because each of the above is really about people – about Bethany, David, my church family, my dear friends, myself – how can I say one is more important than the other? most often, I simply don’t leave that time to myself, but I’m not convinced that’s the best solution.

one conversation with David led to a lot of thought on my part, and now, I just feel overwhelmed.