1) I don’t always write exactly what I mean – in fact, sometimes I write to figure out what I mean. Or what I’m not sure about… So what I wrote here wasn’t well thought out, or even really coherant. =)

2) I grew up in a lot of different churches, and never got a clear idea about how things like this were supposed to work. I remember hearing it preached, once, though, that treating people like tax collectors and pagans meant turning your back and looking for someone more… malleable. That never sat right with me. I don’t like the idea of turning on someone and leaving them behind. I much rather like what you’ve said, the light that you’ve shown here. That Jesus wouldn’t have done anything like that… that gives me peace about this passage. And hope – that if I ever mess up, there’ll be forgiveness and love. =)

So, thanks for what you wrote. I’m sorry I didn’t respond sooner.

You wrote, “Maybe others would follow the Matthew 18 guidelines to the letter (one-on-one, group-on-one, church-on-one, then removal from church) and say they did their duty.”

I’m concerned about the phrase, “then removal from church.” That’s not what Matt 18 actually says. It says, “treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”
And I have to ask how did JESUS treat pagans and tax collectors? He didn’t kick them out – he loved them, went to eat in their homes, continued to try to restore them. Think about that. :-)

And then, most of us who refer to Matt 18 stop at v. 17. But if we read on to vv. 19-20, we find Jesus’ famous promise that he will be there whenever 2 or 3 meet in his name. So the promise is that he will help resolve conflicted situations such as the one your church is in.

I’m thankful that the deacons are praying fervently and seeking to love this user. My prayer is that the situation will be resolved to the glory of God.