tAukerman

here I am
Browsing work

watercooler

July16

Today, our watercooler developed a personality:

It was so funny to see my boss cracking up… he’s been stressed lately, and doesn’t eye-smile a lot. This, however, had him rollin’. (Different strokes…)
posted under work | No Comments »

braille?!

January15

So, cousin Tim bought me a clock that displays a binary representation of time.  It was a great gift – cracked me up, and has been pretty fun.  I brought it into work after Christmas and have had to explain to just about everyone in the entire office what it is and how it works. 

Behold:

0115080941.jpg

It’s 09:40:54.  (yay, cameraphone!) 

Enter a coworker who is well-traveled and computer smart.  He picks up the clock and says, seriously, “Wow!  A braille clock!”

I cracked up – yeah, all blind people use dots of light to tell time.  They can see tthose much better than the LED numbers on a digital clock.

posted under humor, work | 3 Comments »

wonderland

December20

In the line-up of Christmas activities at the office: the Christmas song rewriting contest.  One of my favorite entries:

“Working in the 1815 Wonderland”

Water tinkles, are you listening?
On the desk, puddles glistening.
A beautiful sight,
Though not watertight,
Working in the 1815 Wonderland.

Gone away is the good smell,
Here to stay is a new smell.
Popcorn in the makin’,
Or is it burnin’ bacon?
Working in the 1815 Wonderland.

In the hallway we can do some bowling,
And pretend this is the P.B.A.
She’ll say: did you break it?
We’ll say: No man,
But you can fix that pin,
Try the duct tape.

Later on, we’ll perspire,
As we roast like a fire,
Fans turned to “high,”
Minus twenty outside,
Working in the 1815 Wonderland.

In the basement we can play some foosball,
And pretend that we are 9 or 10.
We’ll have lots of fun, we happy foosers,
Until they need the space and move us again.

Working late, get a bad scare,
A stranger’s camping out in your chair.
An adventure a day, the [our company name] way,
Working in the 1815 Wonderland.

posted under humor, work | No Comments »

parties

December12

Today and yesterday have been party days here at work.  I’ve never been paid so much to eat and chit-chat in my life – I could really get used to this.  =)

Yesterday, we all left the downtown office at 10:30 to drive out to the west side for our 11:00-3:00 department Christmas party.  We knew it was gonna be a riot as soon as we got this invitation:

xmasparty.png

It was hilarious!  Coworkers and bosses ran around in the most outrageous outfits – they were characters in a murder mystery.  Here are photos from the event:

http://www1.mymeded.com/content/clarian/docs/1207_holiday_party/

___

Today, the instructors (downstairs) had a “progressive Christmas party.”  =)  That means we got to walk from suite to suite, touring their decorated offices and eat ourselves silly.  It was wonderful.  AND I got paid to do it.

*sigh*  I love my job.

posted under photos, work | No Comments »

yuck

December10

I’m back and it’s yucky out – cold and wet and gray.  Hawai’i seems like a million miles away.  I’ve been nursing a chai and whining to my officemate – P’s great at commiserating.

Speaking of P, she was involved in another atrocious-working-conditions fiasco while I was gone.  One of the guys on my team (JR from earlier posts) had to evacuate his office.  It’s directly below the bathroom upstairs.  The toilet overflowed – onto his desk!  They keep saying it was just the tank, but no one believes that.  P was in his office in a flash and ended up cleaning everything, top to bottom, with Clorox.  Yuck!

I talked to our office manager before I left – I let him know how I [we] felt.  He was sympathetic, but basically said, “There’s nothing I can do.”  I suggested that he talk to someone who could do something.  Doubt he’ll do anything, but at least I’ve done more than just whine.  =)  I’m thinking that since the petition thing worked so well for the HoHos, maybe we should give that a shot.

posted under life, work | 1 Comment »

moodputty

November9

Today’s a pretty stinking hilarious day at work.  An email string I just got:

A writes: 

This here delightful item might make a great holiday gift for or from you creative types: http://www.puttyworld.com/index.html

D writes: 

I looked at the website. Looks like you can fashion clothes out of it — like belts and stuff. Picture it: Mood underwear!!!!  J, I think we should invest in this one. We could make A KILLING with MoodPutty Undies!

J writes:

Agreed.  Two men pass a woman on the street.  One says, “That woman is HOT for me.”  The other asks, “How can you tell?”  The first one says, “Because her panties turned bright red when she looked at me!”

D writes back:

The second man responds: “Dude, you’d better check your color key. I think that’s the woman you stood up last week for drinks.”

J replies:

First one’s reply:  “Come to think of it, the bright red was in back…”

D responds:

The woman, still silently fuming about being stood up, thinks to herself, “What was WRONG with that other guy’s socks?”

posted under humor, work | No Comments »

flailing

November9

A conversation my coworker and I had today:

DD: in the 40s today
DD: kinda nice actually
DD: ahhhhhh
me: uggghhh
me: I’d much rather it be warmer.
DD: most folks would
DD: JR and i will have to run away together to an ice floe somewhere
DD: hang out with the polar bears…
me: I’ll send you postcards from hawaii
DD: we’ll send you photos of the snow angels we make.
me: I never understood what would possess grown people to lay down in the snow and wiggle.
me: first of all, the angels look like they’re wearing culottes.  those went out of style AGES ago.
me: secondly, it’s wet.
me: thirdly, it’s cold.
me: fourthly, the person on the ground is lying in a prone position – just ripe for assault or theft.
DD: mugged by a gang of penguins…
DD: really, i don’t think that there are many assaults and thefts on ice floes.
me: well, I suppose we could leave out point #4 in that case.
DD: and coulottes come and go
DD: i’m all about wearing what i like
DD: my snow angels have similar feelings about fashion
me: culottes should stay gone.
me: seriously – when I was a kid and did the snow angel thing (like, once), I actually scooped out the leg line.
DD: how funny!
me: had to fix it.
DD: and they didn’t medicate you then?
DD: ;-)
me: anyway, because you’re squirming so much, the head always ends up shaped funny.
DD: i tend not to do a whole lot of flailing
me: isn’t that the point?
DD: it’s not really a whole-body experience
me: yes, it is a whole-body experience – your whole body gets wet and numb from the snow!
DD: i mean, you only have to move your arms and legs
me: yeah, but try moving your ring finger without moving the others – things are connected!
DD: my head’s not connected to my legs
DD: or my arms
me: but it’s connected to your neckbone, which is connected to your…
me: didn’t you go to preschool?
me: didn’t you TEACH preschool?
DD: yes, but the fine points of flailing were never covered in my curriculum

posted under humor, work | No Comments »

mor.ti.fied.

September7

I have Skype installed on my computer.  It’s an online communication tool that allows you to either chat with (instant message) or talk to (online phone call) people over the internet. 

I’ve mainly used it to talk with family (Melissa’s in Asia, and it’s free to talk to her this way), but I use it at work occasionally to talk to coworkers who are working offsite.  So I leave it up and running at work.

I had a meeting today in which my computer was going to be attached to a projector for a demonstration of some software.  I, thoughtfully, I thought, exited all my email and communication programs so we wouldn’t be interrupted by pop-ups in the meeting, then traipsed down the hall and hooked my computer up to the projector.

45 minutes of the meeting went by without event.  Then it happened.  A chat request from Skype popped up in the center of the screen and interrupted the presenter (turns out I’d forgotten to close Skype since I rarely use it).  This chat request had an avatar – a picture – in the window.  This picture was of a naked, spread-eagle woman.  And it seemed to fill the entire projector screen.

I cannot tell you how mortified I was – I quickly explained that my name must be listed in some public directory for the application.  The guy closed the window, but all the people just kinda… stared… at me.  Thankfully, in the end, they all laughed about it.  I could have gotten into quite a bit of trouble.

I got back to my desk and immediately found the privacy settings on the application.  If you’re running Skype, and you leave it on at work, I suggest you do the same.  =)

posted under humor, work | 1 Comment »

saga

July24

This workplace thing is turning into a saga.  Today’s suprise du jour is a horrible, offensive rotting food smell.  I was lazy today and rode the elevator up to our office on the fourth floor, and the smell was in the elevator (but not on the first floor).  I thought, “Man, that’s nasty.  This’ll teach me not to use the stairs!”  Then, the elevator door opened on my floor.  And I gagged.

I’m mouth-breathing today, doing my best not to breathe – at all! – through my nose.   This is ridiculous.

Update:  Someone burned bacon in the microwave.  I don’t know what kind of bacon it was - because the smell o’ rot is still permeating the air.  But, mystery solved.

posted under gripes, work | 1 Comment »

1815

July17

My officemates are cracking me up.  Our department takes up 2 floors of a 6-story building, my team (Design & Development) has most of the 4th floor.  This building is old.  Most of these folks are saying it should be torn down.  Because it’s old, some vital things just don’t work – like the heating and cooling systems (we’ve had several 90+ degree days INSIDE), building security, and sometimes the water (like for the last couple of days, we haven’t been able to use any water in our building because even drinking fountains are causing major sewer problems – yuck!). 

One of the developers has started keeping a list of all the “quirky” things about our building.  Here’s what he (and the rest of them – this thread has been passed around the office for the last half hour) have on the list so far:

  • A/C dysfunction
  • Water woes
  • Rusty water when we do have it
  • “Pock-ridden” parking lot
  • Cockroaches (Yes – all over.  Even in the refrigerator!)
  • Elevators that make you step up 8 full inches to get on your floor
  • Flooding in the bathrooms
  • Sticky-fingered visitors (security issues)
  • Vagrants hiding in the bathrooms and sleeping at our managers’ desks (more security issues)
posted under gripes, work | 5 Comments »
« Older Entries